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scleroderma sucks
Aug. 25th, 2023 02:33 pmLiving between dosings of gabapentin, Benadryl, and Tylenol, from one to the next, and still, in between, my fingers burn and itch and hurt. Making myself a zombie so as not to tear them up further and make things worse.
I cannot describe how tired of this I am.
The last finger had finally healed with a fragile new skin, after months and months, because scleroderma/Raynaud's ulcer wounds just heal very slowly, and then, thwap, covid, chills, prolonged Raynaud's episode, and my hands are a fucking war zone again. Everything I do, from bathing and dressing to food prep, dishes, trash, cat litter cleaning, and other chores, is difficult and painful.
I would not kill myself, because cats, and loved ones, and I still have writing I'd really like to do, if I can ever come clear of this state and not be a zombie again, but the thought 'I wish I was dead' has crossed my mind many times. Doing so much to try and manage this, and still it's so awful and I despair. I am so beaten down.
*unless you've had scleroderma/Raynaud's for over 20 years or are super familiar with it, I am not looking for advice. I'm doing everything I can, as far as I know through medical directives, support sites, and my own experience.
I cannot describe how tired of this I am.
The last finger had finally healed with a fragile new skin, after months and months, because scleroderma/Raynaud's ulcer wounds just heal very slowly, and then, thwap, covid, chills, prolonged Raynaud's episode, and my hands are a fucking war zone again. Everything I do, from bathing and dressing to food prep, dishes, trash, cat litter cleaning, and other chores, is difficult and painful.
I would not kill myself, because cats, and loved ones, and I still have writing I'd really like to do, if I can ever come clear of this state and not be a zombie again, but the thought 'I wish I was dead' has crossed my mind many times. Doing so much to try and manage this, and still it's so awful and I despair. I am so beaten down.
*unless you've had scleroderma/Raynaud's for over 20 years or are super familiar with it, I am not looking for advice. I'm doing everything I can, as far as I know through medical directives, support sites, and my own experience.
